A client recently shared something that stood out to me and highlighted a pattern I’m seeing with many professionals:

“One of the things I need to do this year is learn how to ‘manage my boss’ or ‘manage upstream.’
I know that’s probably important… but it feels really daunting.
I’m conflict-avoidant. I’m constantly gauging the temperature in the room and trying to keep things neutral.
And honestly, it feels like this takes a ton of executive functioning and emotional bandwidth.
Especially since we don’t have agendas, meeting notes, or clear follow-ups in our 1:1s.”

This experience is surprisingly common. Many professionals are told, explicitly or implicitly, to anticipate their manager’s needs, drive clarity, and communicate proactively. On the surface, that guidance sounds reasonable. But when you’re juggling heavy executive functioning demands, it can feel less like a skill to develop and more like a constant cognitive and emotional load that never fully goes away.

Many adults are adept at reading social cues and maintaining harmony. In high-pressure or dynamic environments, conflict avoidance is often adaptive. It helps maintain relationships and reduce tension.

Organizations often assume that managing up is a natural extension of professionalism. What they miss is that missing structure at work forces employees to create structure for themselves.

You may find yourself keeping track of decisions that weren’t written down, maintaining an internal agenda, and coordinating information across teams. You may also be managing your own emotional state during unclear or tense interactions. This invisible labor can be exhausting.

For professionals with executive functioning challenges, whether related to ADHD or other factors, this cognitive and emotional load is constant and rarely recognized.

One of the trickiest parts of managing up when executive functioning challenges are in play is that these demands are almost invisible to others. Your manager may assume that “everything is getting done,” without realizing the mental energy, memory juggling, and emotional regulation that went into making it happen.

In many workplaces, success is measured by output rather than cognitive effort. If you meet deadlines, complete projects, and keep meetings on track, it can appear effortless from the outside. The countless small decisions, reminders, and recalibrations you make every day remain invisible. This invisibility can leave professionals feeling frustrated, exhausted, or even undervalued, because the work of executive function itself is rarely recognized or acknowledged.

This gap in awareness has consequences. Misaligned expectations can emerge, where managers assume you can handle additional responsibilities without realizing the cumulative cognitive load you’re already carrying. You may miss out on support, structured check-ins, tools, or accommodations because no one sees the invisible work. And internalized, this invisibility can create self-doubt: “Am I just not organized enough?” even when you’re performing at a high level.

Awareness, both for yourself and others, is key. Being able to articulate what your work actually requires in terms of planning, memory, prioritization, and emotional management is a subtle but powerful skill. It allows you to advocate for realistic expectations and support without framing it as a weakness.

Some ways to make executive functioning demands visible without oversharing:

• Share structured notes or summaries after meetings, highlighting key decisions and next steps. This subtly demonstrates the cognitive effort required to track multiple threads.
• Frame requests around clarity rather than capability. For example: “I want to make sure I’m prioritizing correctly. Can you confirm which items are top priorities this week?”
• Use simple project dashboards or trackers. When you make your workflow transparent, managers gain insight into the coordination and planning that happens behind the scenes.
• Highlight patterns, not problems. Instead of saying, “I can’t keep up,” try: “I’ve noticed that when priorities shift mid-week, I need to pause and reprioritize to stay on track.” This communicates cognitive load without suggesting incompetence.

By making the invisible visible in small, neutral ways, you reduce the chances of miscommunication, help others understand your capacity, and create space for sustainable productivity. Recognizing the weight of executive functioning demands is not self-indulgent; it’s a professional skill that supports both performance and well-being.

Many people assume managing up requires assertiveness or real-time verbal agility. For someone balancing high executive functioning demands, a more sustainable approach is to create external structure.

External structure provides a shared reference point, reduces working memory reliance, and lowers emotional guessing. Simple strategies include drafting a short agenda for 1:1 meetings, keeping a shared document of priorities, and sending written follow-ups summarizing key decisions.

This isn’t about controlling your manager or proving yourself. It’s about creating a container that supports clear communication, reduces cognitive strain, and protects your energy.

After meetings, it’s common to leave unsure about what was decided, what the real priorities are, or who is responsible for which tasks. A brief written recap isn’t about covering yourself; it’s a practical tool for offloading cognitive work.

By externalizing information:

• Your working memory gets a break.
• Anxiety and rumination decrease.
• Planning and task follow-through improve.
• You have a reference point when priorities inevitably shift.

Externalization is a core executive functioning strategy, a way to make cognitive load manageable without relying solely on internal processing.

One of the most stressful parts of managing up is naming limits. Many professionals worry they’ll seem lazy, incompetent, or difficult if they express boundaries or ask for prioritization.

Sometimes, professionals realize they are not just managing up, they are managing around. They track details no one else is holding, prevent problems that exist due to missing structure, and coordinate information invisibly on top of their main responsibilities.

This constant vigilance is exhausting and can make any role feel unsustainable, no matter how skilled the individual is. Recognizing this pattern is an act of self-awareness, not failure.

Start with small, concrete experiments to reduce cognitive load and increase clarity:

1. Before a 1:1: Send a short note with two or three topics you plan to cover.
2. After a meeting: Send a brief recap summarizing priorities and next steps.
3. When overwhelmed: Name your capacity and ask leadership what matters most right now.
4. When unsure: Default to writing instead of relying on memory. Written clarity offloads mental effort.

Pick one at a time, not all at once. These small steps can significantly reduce stress while improving communication.

Managing up can feel overwhelming, but even small, intentional steps can reduce stress and increase clarity. Here are the key strategies and reminders to help you navigate these challenges more effectively.

• Receptive communication is how you take in and interpret words, tone, facial expressions, and body language.
• Executive functioning skills like attention, working memory, and flexibility are deeply involved in this process.
• Emotional regulation affects how accurately you hear and understand others.
• Miscommunication often happens when your brain is overloaded, not because you are inattentive or uncaring.
• Grounding yourself, asking clarifying questions, and reducing distractions help you receive information clearly.
• You can strengthen communication by working with your brain’s natural style and pacing.