Stress and discomfort are unavoidable parts of life. No matter how carefully we plan, unexpected events, big emotions, and tough situations will always show up. For adults with executive functioning challenges, whether related to ADHD, anxiety, or simply how their brain is wired, these moments can feel especially overwhelming. The instinct to avoid, shut down, or react impulsively can take over, leaving you drained and frustrated.

Here’s the truth: building tolerance for stress and discomfort isn’t about “toughing it out” or ignoring your needs. It’s about learning to stay with uncomfortable experiences long enough to respond in ways that align with your goals and values. It’s about reclaiming choice.

In this post, we’ll explore what stress and discomfort tolerance really mean, why they matter for executive functioning, and practical ways to strengthen them. We’ll also look at maladaptive stress, the kind that works against you, and break down how stress and discomfort can each be helpful or harmful depending on how they’re managed.

Both stress and discomfort can be adaptive (helpful) or maladaptive (harmful).

• Adaptive stress and discomfort
  These experiences push you to grow, motivate you to act, and help you perform better. A little stress before a deadline can sharpen your focus. The discomfort of learning something new signals your brain is growing. Think of them as signals that you’re stretching, not breaking.
• Maladaptive stress and discomfort
  This happens when stress or discomfort overwhelms your capacity to cope. Instead of motivating you, they paralyze you. Maladaptive stress might look like constant worry, burnout, or physical illness from being in fight-or-flight mode too often. Maladaptive discomfort shows up as avoidance, shame spirals, or believing you “can’t handle” hard things.

The same situation can be adaptive for one person and maladaptive for another, depending on context, history, and support. For example:

• Giving a speech might energize one person (adaptive stress) and completely overwhelm another (maladaptive stress).
• Starting a new routine may feel awkward but doable for one person (adaptive discomfort) and unbearable for another (maladaptive discomfort).

The goal isn’t to eliminate stress or discomfort, but to build enough tolerance so they don’t tip into maladaptive territory.

Executive functioning is the brain’s management system. Skills like working memory, planning, organization, task initiation, and emotional regulation all fall into this category. When these skills are strong, you can pause, think, and choose your response to stressors. When they’re shaky, stress hits harder.

A few reasons why:

• Time blindness and urgency
  If it’s hard to see the big picture of time, even small setbacks can feel catastrophic. Stress reactions easily spiral out of proportion.
• Emotional intensity
  ADHD brains, in particular, often feel emotions more strongly. What someone else might shrug off can feel like a tidal wave to you.
• Low frustration tolerance
  Tasks can feel harder to start and sustain, creating a cycle of avoidance, shame, and more stress.
• Difficulty with self-regulation
  When calming down or shifting focus doesn’t come easily, stress lingers longer and feels sharper.

What others may find merely annoying can feel overwhelming to you. That isn’t weakness, it’s wiring. Building tolerance for stress creates more space, so those overwhelming moments don’t derail you.

Think of discomfort as the training ground for growth. Every new skill, like learning a language, training for a sport, or building healthier routines, requires stepping into discomfort. The frustration, awkwardness, or unease signals that your brain is stretching beyond its comfort zone.

Avoiding discomfort may feel good in the short term, but it reinforces the idea that discomfort is unsafe. Over time, this shrinks your capacity to handle challenges. By contrast, practicing tolerance expands it. Research shows that being willing to feel discomfort in service of your values is one of the strongest predictors of growth.

When you face discomfort, your amygdala, the brain’s alarm system, fires signals of danger. If your prefrontal cortex (where executive functioning lives) goes offline, you react impulsively.

Practicing stress tolerance strengthens the bridge between the alarm and the thinking brain. You still feel discomfort, but you also keep access to perspective, problem-solving, and choice. Over time, your brain learns that discomfort is survivable.

Here are some simple, evidence-based ways to build tolerance:

Start small. Expose yourself to mild discomfort and practice staying present.

• Sit with an unfinished task for two minutes before reaching for your phone.
• Delay answering an email by five minutes.
• Take a lukewarm shower for thirty seconds.

Labeling emotions reduces their intensity:

• “This is frustration.”
• “I’m overwhelmed, but overwhelm is a feeling, not a fact.”
• “This is just the discomfort of starting.”

Replace “This shouldn’t feel this hard” with:

• “This feels uncomfortable because it’s new.”
• “I can do hard things in small steps.”
• “Discomfort isn’t danger.”

Tolerance isn’t about staying stressed all the time. Balance exposure with recovery:

• Take short breaks.
• Move your body to release tension.
• Create calming rituals like tea, stretching, or journaling.

Sometimes you need co-regulation. Talking with a supportive friend, joining a body doubling session, or working with a coach can help your nervous system reset.

For neurodivergent adults, stress tolerance isn’t optional; it’s essential. Your brain is already working harder to manage attention, planning, and emotions. Without tolerance skills, everyday stressors multiply into overwhelm. With them, you create the space to use executive functioning skills, problem-solve, and thrive.

Here’s a simple starter plan:

1. Pick one small discomfort you’re willing to face (starting a task, sitting with boredom, delaying a distraction).
2. Set a tiny goal of two to five minutes.
3. Use a grounding technique while you sit with it.
4. Remind yourself: “This is safe. Discomfort isn’t danger.”
5. Recover with something soothing afterward.
6. Reflect: Did the discomfort fade? Did you survive? What felt easier than expected?
7. Repeat. Over time, you’ll notice yourself less reactive, more resilient, and better able to use your executive functioning skills.

Stress and discomfort aren’t enemies to eliminate. They’re invitations to grow. Adaptive stress sharpens you; adaptive discomfort stretches you. Maladaptive stress and discomfort, however, shrink your world and leave you stuck. The difference lies in your ability to tolerate and respond to them.